am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
