ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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