So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
