I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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