I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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