just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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