I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
