Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
