Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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