I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
