I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
