Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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