Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
