my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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