Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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