I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
