conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
