My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
