You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
