What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
