wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
