The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
