Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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