At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
