it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
