It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
