fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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