We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
