i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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