My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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