the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
