I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
