If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
