The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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