Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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