So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
