Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
well, you know. whores of a feather.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
