Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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