i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
