yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
