After last night, I could never be a politician.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
