We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
