I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
