I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
