I'm really into asian looking animals
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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