plz talk dirty to me
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
