yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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