Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
