if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
