just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
