this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Welp...herpes.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
