I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
